It’s Never Too Late To Be Your Gifted Self — Part Two

Me. Still dancing the tango.

A 35-year-old client told me that she thought it was too late for her to find a fulfilling career and a meaningful life.

I tried to control my facial expression.

35.

I’m here to tell all of you 20-30-40-50-60-70-80+ somethings, that it’s never too late. Never. Too. Late.

I can say this because I’m 65. I started my counseling practice at 41. I began dancing the Argentine tango at 47. I started appreciating my mind-of-its-own free-range hair at 53. I discovered my sense of humor at 55. I created this blog at 62. My first book was published at 64.

And I’m not finished yet.

But, I’ll admit it. 65 sounds old to me. 65. Medicare. Social security. AARP.

I almost didn’t want to tell you.

But luckily, I’m in a profession (counseling / consulting) where you improve with age. You benefit from experience. You don’t have to move much.

And as a blogger and author, no one notices my post-menopausal moods or my creaking knees.

Granted, I’ve been lucky or blessed to be in excellent health. I attribute that to genetics, years of obsessive self-care, a child-free-so-much-less-stressful life and white middle class privilege.

My self-care includes psychotherapy, acupuncture, energy healing, naturopathy, sweet deep friendships, easy access to organic food, intermittent exercise, more psychotherapy, massage, singing, a spotty yet well-intentioned meditation practice, uncontrolled book buying, astrology, dancing, journaling, Netflix, rolfing, the Canadian Tenors, spiritual connections, avoiding toxic people and breathing. Oh, and hearing from you, my fabulous bloggEE fan club.

Of course, 65 is the new 55. So I’m really just middle-aged.

But here’s the thing. Many of you are just realizing that you have rainforest minds. And, with that realization and understanding, there will be new discoveries. New horizons. What confused you in the past, when you thought you were ADHD or OCD or bipolar or a freak or a slacker, will become clearer.

In the process, though, you may feel despair over all of the time lost, thinking that you were crazy. You may feel anger over all of the missed opportunities. You may grieve because you’re 35 and you think your life is over.

Fear not, my lovelies. You’re just getting started. It’ll only get better from here. There is still time. The planet needs your sensitivity, your intellect, your empathy, your optimism, your humor, your you-ness. No matter how old you are.

And, in case you’re wondering, you can’t become ungifted.

Thirty-five or sixty-five, it’s not too late.

________________________________

To my bloggEEs: Have I mentioned that I love you? Thank you so much for being here. Let us know if you’ve ever worried that it’s too late. Tell us your concerns about aging. And, for more posts about aging and the gifted from the wonderful people at Hoagiesgifted, click on the image. (And if you want to read part one of this post click here. Be sure to read the comments.)


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Author: Paula Prober

I’m a psychotherapist and consultant in private practice based in Eugene, Oregon. I specialize in international consulting with gifted adults and parents of gifted children. I’ve been a teacher and an adjunct instructor at the University of Oregon and a frequent guest presenter at Oregon State University and Pacific University. I’ve written articles on giftedness for the Eugene Register-Guard, the Psychotherapy Networker, Advanced Development Journal and online for psychotherapy dot net, Rebelle Society, Thrive, Introvert Dear, and Highly Sensitive Refuge. My first book, Your Rainforest Mind: A Guide to the Well-Being of Gifted Adults and Youth, is a collection of case studies of gifted clients along with many strategies and resources for gifted adults and teens. My second book, Journey Into Your Rainforest Mind: A Field Guide for Gifted Adults and Teens, Book Lovers, Overthinkers, Geeks, Sensitives, Brainiacs, Intuitives, Procrastinators, and Perfectionists is a collection of my most popular blog posts along with writing exercises for self-exploration and insight.

90 responses to “It’s Never Too Late To Be Your Gifted Self — Part Two”

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  1. There Is No Better Time To Step Fully Into Your Rainforest-Mindedness | Your Rainforest Mind

    […] video you see here, from IG, restates a theme I have written about before. (It is a really good post. And don’t miss the amazing comments!) It is never too late to be […]


  2. renovatio06 Avatar
    renovatio06

    Another piece of kitchen tissue was necessary, but… or because of it: THANK YOU! Thank you for doing this and having sent out this message to us other Rainforesty “specimen” out there! And wow, Kudos on all those accomplishments and activities as well as beautiful self care! Love you for this, thanks!


    1. Paula Prober Avatar
      Paula Prober

      Always good to hear from you, renovatio06.


  3. Can Gifted Kids Become Ungifted Adults? | Your Rainforest Mind

    […] But I have good news. It is not too late. […]


  4. Don’t Give Up On Yourself And Your Rainforest Mind | Your Rainforest Mind

    […] never know. You could be a late bloomer. You could start tango dancing at 47. You might become a blogger at 62. You might get your first […]


  5. Sarah Avatar
    Sarah

    I actually celebrated being a third of a hundred. Four months after my 33rd birthday. Woohoo!

    Someone has to have done that before, right?

    Feeling old is novel for people of my vintage. Eventually, I may wish that subtraction were more difficult. That’s what makes us feel old when we aren’t. Arithmetic.


  6. Laura Avatar
    Laura

    Hi, Paula! Great post, as always! 🙂
    Coincidentally, I’m finally getting over those issues right now. It took me 30 years to hear that I wasn’t ADHD or OCD or bipolar or a freak or a slacker and a few more to accept I was gifted. Although I have to admit that I still feel like a fraud sometimes, little by little,, I’m getting over it. I used to think it was too late for a lot of (important) things, but now I’ve just turned 38 and have the feeling that it’s the right time. Now I know myself better, know what I want as I didn’t before and realized the bad part of getting older, which may be seeing time is running faster, can be something really good. It gave the focus I didn’t have. It’s like I’ve dropped off the cloud I was living. Perfectionism and overthinking can be bad things or can be great if you don’t let them paralyze you and learn how to deal with that. Some self esteem issues are still there, but I know now I’m ready for starting a new cycle. 🙂


    1. Paula Prober Avatar
      Paula Prober

      Sounds exciting, Laura. Enjoy your next cycle! Thank you for sharing.


  7. anonymous Avatar
    anonymous

    I know I’m late to join this comment train. I seldom read Your Rainforest Mind anymore, primarily because even when the entries themselves feel applicable to me, the subsequent comments convince me that this space is for individuals far more gifted than I. I did happen to see this post, however, and I’m so glad I didn’t miss it. It’s lovely encouragement as I, at 39, begin in earnest the process of trying to chart my next course. Thank you for your work, Paula.


    1. Paula Prober Avatar
      Paula Prober

      Oh, anonymous. Please come back! Just read the posts and ignore the comments! And know that it’s probably something others feel as well. It’s so hard not to compare or not to feel like everyone else is gifted but not you. If you’re on the gifted spectrum, you’re on it. Please let me help!!


    2. Carina Avatar
      Carina

      Anonymous, it seems to me you have a case of impostor syndrome. I can relate. Yes, sometimes I read other people’s experiences and my giftedness seems so modest in comparison. But if you do relate to Paula’s articles, you have a RFM and you have every right as any other reader to comment and share your experiences and opinions.
      The giftedness spectrum is very broad and though there will be great differences in our profiles, there will also be many things in common. Your contribution is important. So please, feel free to come back any time and don’t hesitate to speak your mind. I have found both Paula and fellow commenters to be empathetic and willing to help.


      1. Paula Prober Avatar
        Paula Prober

        Well said, Carina. Thank you.


  8. Themon the Bard Avatar
    Themon the Bard

    Apropos of this post, here’s my 60-year-old continuing attempt to learn to write fiction. This story started with the random thought of, “What good are these Millennials, anyway?” Not the real ones, who are fine people, but the stereotypical sort that lives in his parents’ basement, plays video games all day, and whines in a self-absorbed way about chores and responsibilities. Well….

    https://themonthebard.org/2017/07/24/saint-jake-prologue/


    1. Paula Prober Avatar
      Paula Prober

      Sounds intriguing. I will take a look!


  9. Robert B. Avatar
    Robert B.

    Thank you! I truly appreciate that. However, there are times when it feels as though I’ve wasted a lot of my younger years; due to severe depression, and having a poor outlook on life which negatively affected my productivity. Also, I should have stated my question in a different manner.


    1. Paula Prober Avatar
      Paula Prober

      I’m sure you’re not alone, Robert, in feeling that you’ve wasted time. I hope that you’ve found ways to combat your depression.


  10. Robert B. Avatar
    Robert B.

    Yes, you’re right. It is never too late to be one’s gifted self. Are there times when I feel like giving up? Definitely! But I believe that as long as I keep on going that there’s a good chance of me achieving a lot of my goals, and probably even GREATNESS!

    Besides, you’ve told me before that 30 years old is still very young, and I might live up to 100 years old (I’m being optimistic!).

    It is true that we can’t become ungifted, but that doesn’t mean that there are things that wouldn’t affect how our giftedness expresses itself (i.e. poor environment, illness, mental illness, etc.). Wouldn’t you agree? I’m experiencing this first hand; the environment is negatively affecting my focus and motivation.

    Also, I have a question for you, Paula. Do you believe that gifted people could continuously develop their intelligence, as well as their gifts or talents throughout their lifespan?—It’s not static! Those who are considered gifted could become potentially develop their intelligence to a significant degree?


    1. Beth Heinecamp Avatar
      Beth Heinecamp

      Hi Robert! If you’re only 30 years old, wow you’re lucky because you’ve got a lot of living to do!

      I just quickly wanted to say that I don’t think I can make myself ‘more intelligent’ as you seem to be asking. However, our aptitudes and skills can be refined and advanced to a very high level. To use a more simple example, before I started college, I really didn’t know how to develop an argument very well. Neither was I aware of, for example, built-in biases in historical texts. But after 4 years (or so!) of taking courses, I became quite adept at these 2 skills. So I think it’s more a matter of ‘extending’ our intelligence, not ‘developing’ something that’s already innate.


      1. Paula Prober Avatar
        Paula Prober

        Thanks, Beth. You’ve given us good food for thought: Intelligence being innate but also extendable…versus developable!


    2. Paula Prober Avatar
      Paula Prober

      Robert. Surely there are many factors that would influence how giftedness would or wouldn’t express itself. If I read your question correctly, I’d say that giftedness isn’t a static thing. But there is a huge debate about this. (there are many definitions of giftedness as well) I don’t think there’s conclusive evidence in any camp. I tend to go with the folks who say it’s how you’re wired. But the brain is plastic and so??? Maybe other readers will chime in here. But certainly your productivity and achievement would be affected by environmental factors. If this doesn’t address your question, you can ask it again!


  11. Frans Avatar
    Frans

    Having a boy of 16 who is out of school into a gifted park where he receives no education. Just some really different things , and dutch education in crisis we, my wife and I have worried years about how to push forward. I am contacting our goverment at the top of the top on a regular basis. And with 25% of diagnosis in our schools things are getting way out of hand.

    It’s really worrying having a Rainbow mind when everybody is seeking shelter as our economy declines and jobs do dissapear. Our son allmost said bye bye to the world.

    The world is incredibly fast changing. And yesterday will be very different from today. And tomorrow may be the opposite from yesterday now.

    I really people who are in that place were everybody walks away from your child you will find the courage to stay beside it. Cause those times matter the most.


    1. Paula Prober Avatar
      Paula Prober

      I’m so sorry, Frans, that things are so difficult with school and your son. You’re in the Netherlands? There are some people you should meet! Noks Nauta is a specialist in giftedness and studies gifted adults. You can find her at http://www.noksnauta.nl. That would be a place to start. Also Chantal Woltring. http://www.woltringcoaching.nl. There are several other “Dutchies” reading this blog. You are not alone!


  12. Lisa Avatar
    Lisa

    Thank you! I’m 56 and starting over after being laid off. Being in the corporate world, in the company where I worked, women after 55 were often discounted and not listened to. The fear of starting over — when I have a family to take care of (had children late in life) and bills to pay — has been tremendous. It’s women like you who help me push through the fear, to find my purpose and passion in helping others. Love your spirit and free-range hair! Thank you!


    1. Paula Prober Avatar
      Paula Prober

      So important to recognize the fear and to push through. Thank you, Lisa.


  13. willskde Avatar
    willskde

    Mark V – I can’t help but laugh because my boyfriend and I (46 & 51) often say we don’t feel like adults yet. I raised a kid who is now an adult, yet that feeling of adulthood eludes me. I once had a woman in her 80’s say, “Sometimes I walk past a mirror and say ‘yikes! Who is that?!’ I still feel like I did in my 20’s; my mind is the same but I’m this wrinkly old lady now!” … sad, but wonderful. I wonder how many people feel like adults? or what it even means?


    1. Mark V Avatar
      Mark V

      I often forget I’m not 18 anymore! And of course I am making light of the constant drama playing inside my own head.

      But there is some truth to it, partly because I’ve never been able to “settle down” and get established in any one area, but also simply because of my emotional makeup. I often have hair-trigger emotional responses that can be overwhelming, and even if I am not outwardly showing them or acting them out, because I often have no control over them they often make me feel like a kid.


  14. Gail Post, Ph.D. Avatar
    Gail Post, Ph.D.

    Love this article! So inspiring. We can all continue to grow and develop – especially as we shed the insecurities that imprison so many 20 and 30-y/o’s. Thanks for sharing this – and for sharing so much about yourself.


    1. Paula Prober Avatar
      Paula Prober

      You’re welcome, Gail. It seemed like the right time to say more about my particular journey.


  15. Mark V Avatar
    Mark V

    How the heck am I going to cope with any more middle-age crises, existential dread and the guilt resulting from years of throwing away my potential when I haven’t even finished growing up yet?


    1. Paula Prober Avatar
      Paula Prober

      Yeah, that’s tricky. I’m not sure we ever feel grown up.


  16. Paula Prober Avatar
    Paula Prober

    As I’m reading these comments and thinking about what I’ve written, I do want to add that the deep thinking, the sensitivity, the idealism and self-criticism and self-analysis that is common among the rainforest-minded would definitely bring the younger among us to worrying about their futures and to having existential crises. So I don’t want to minimize the pain of those experiences. And this is not to mention the turmoil of these times (2017+) and the concerns that we all have about the health of our planet, that would absolutely add to fears about the personal and the planetary future.


    1. Ro Avatar
      Ro

      Agreed, Paula. My daughter experienced her first fully-fledged existential crisis at age 6 and it seems to have coloured her view of life to an extent. On rare occasions she mentions what happened to her back then, and talks about the conscious decisions she made around coping and where to put her focus so she wouldn’t drown in fear and hopelessness.


      1. Paula Prober Avatar
        Paula Prober

        Oh my gosh. Age 6. This is why we need to understand our gifted children!!!


    2. willskde Avatar
      willskde

      I do understand how young people can have thoughts like these; I did myself. Perhaps a “quarter-century crisis” has a different meaning that I’m not understanding right now. But I have to suggest that a mid-life (or older) crisis has TIME as the main factor that causes worries. People may wonder if they wasted the past 20-30 years in a career they didn’t love, or worry about how they parented, they may wish they did things differently. Their future is much shorter (be it death or retirement looming)… maybe they don’t have enough money to retire, or illnesses are creeping up and they worry about who will take care of them, if anyone can. Where will they live in older age? What about adult children who moved farther and now there are grandchildren they may hardly see? Life is not what they planned at their Quarter-Century Crisis, lol …. Life no longer seems infinite; time is going much faster, and a whole new set of concerns come up, concerns that involve TIME. Many people have regrets, some of which can be turned around but many of which can’t. It seems like time may be a tricky beast, lol… sometimes it feels infinite and sometimes it feels like doom. Once it’s gone there’s no going back. It seems impossible for any human to have an objective view of time, but I do think that as we age we do appreciate it more and (unless we are depressed or something) we generally realize our time on this planet is getting shorter, going faster, and we want more of it. I’d like to suggest that a mid-or-later crisis includes a feeling of “my time left is short; I’m analyzing how I spent the first half and wondering how will I spend the rest” that younger people don’t have (unless god forbid they’re facing a grave illness).

      Please note: I suppose I could’ve looked up a definition of mid-life crisis, but I didn’t, these are just my own thoughts 😉


      1. Paula Prober Avatar
        Paula Prober

        Yes. Time. Thank you for explaining this, willskde.


  17. Ro Avatar
    Ro

    Crying 36 year old over here.
    Thank you so much Paula. 🌻🌻🌻 I tell other people (with utmost sincerity) that it is never too late to change, develop, find freedom; but am only just starting to dare believe it for myself. Your personal story and perspective is one that needs to be shared Paula. Thank you for putting yourself out there – it helps and encourages me and many, many others I’m certain.


    1. Paula Prober Avatar
      Paula Prober

      Believe it, Ro. Believe it.


  18. Cara Avatar
    Cara

    Thank you so much, Paula. All my life I though I was to old. Even before I knew I was RFM. I couldn’t stick to something, didn’t find my pass. Today, I am 49. I started paragliding at 47. And all my mife turn around that and is improved by that. So, now I know that there is still a lot to discover. (I am french in case you wonder about my poor english 😉)


    1. Paula Prober Avatar
      Paula Prober

      Cara. Your english is fine. Thank you for writing! There is so much to discover. Paragliding! Wow!


  19. Beth Heinecamp Avatar
    Beth Heinecamp

    I feel sorry for your young client…she’s fallen into one of many of our culture’s booby traps, this one being the trap that digits = identity = who you are. They do not. I didn’t even start waking up until my late 30’s/early 40’s. The process of individuation or rather self-determination can take a long time especially for us gifted people because we often have multiple passions. Add to the mix the fact that many had a rough start in life, and maybe spent years feeling lost and unsure.


    1. Paula Prober Avatar
      Paula Prober

      Interesting, Beth, the complexity. With the gifted mind, there’s the ability to learn quickly and easily, and yet, the complications of childhood trauma and multipotentiality, also sensitivity, empathy, etc. can delay where we think we should be at a certain age. Thanks for sharing.


  20. Jessie Avatar
    Jessie

    Thanks for this reminder, Paula! I turn 35 next month and am just now figuring out what I need to do to start being my real grown-up self. (I feel like I’ve been living in “high achieving student” mode for the past ten years, trying to plug myself into other people’s plans….) And I know that (knocking on wood and hoping for decent health) that still could be just the beginning.


    1. Paula Prober Avatar
      Paula Prober

      Happy birthday next month, Jessie! Thanks for sharing all of your thoughts with us!


  21. FredB Avatar
    FredB

    I got my computer science degree at 38. The oldest guy in my graduating class was 72. What are you children going on about?


    1. Paula Prober Avatar
      Paula Prober

      I know, Fred. They’re such youngsters!


  22. willskde Avatar
    willskde

    You know the term “mid-life crisis”? I think that if we have an open mind and a bit of bravery, that can be a “mid-life change” instead! A good change, for the better (at any age of course, but I do think we re-evaluate around this age). I’m 46 and going back to school to become a Registered Dietitian Nutritionist. If I finish up school around 50, that realistically could give me around 20 years of a career of helping people, if all goes well!
    I’ve been fortunate to know many older folks who are (or were) still going strong, mentally &/or physically, well into their 70’s and 80’s. One dear older friend (who has since passed) had no qualms, at 86 about telling me how ridiculous it would be to think of myself as too old to do anything. At that age he was putting his bike on his car, driving it to a big park where he’d ride a few miles… brilliant mind, too… he encouraged me to go back to school “for real”, not just go for “some bull**** little certificate” as he called it when I asked his advice on a career change. He said “What are you screwin’ around for? Get a real degree!” LOL <3
    On the contrary, I also knew someone who always said she didn't want to live past 80; she didn't want to be a burden. At 78-79 she got a mystery illness and died at 79 or 80. Because of that, and my own experience of "watching what you wish for", my boyfriend & I talk about our age as if we will live to be 140, or 180, lol! Shoot high! Why on earth would any of us quit when the end is nowhere in sight?


    1. Carina Avatar
      Carina

      Love your positive outlook! Keep it up!


    2. Paula Prober Avatar
      Paula Prober

      Thanks for the great examples, willskde.


    3. Ro Avatar
      Ro

      This is fantastic!


  23. Diane Kennedy Avatar
    Diane Kennedy

    Paula,
    Love This! Thank you for focusing on adults of ALL ages! For all of us who are multi- dimensional (more than “twice-exceptional”) you understand us at our core so well. Incredibly grateful for your wisdom and insights. Bless you!


    1. Paula Prober Avatar
      Paula Prober

      Thank you for your kind words, Diane.


  24. Stacey Avatar
    Stacey

    Thank you so much for your encouraging posts, Paula. I was identified as gifted in elementary school, but felt like a fraud by middle school (unfocused, underachiever), and have felt like an outright failure during my totaling disorganized adulthood. (I mean, when the prominent people in your life constantly point out your shortcomings, why wouldn’t I think that?) At 47, I don’t really know how to change the core of who I am. But you make me feel like maybe I am an OK person, and that I am not alone.

    My 11 year old son is gifted, and I am trying so hard to make sure he has a much more positive image of himself, and a much more positive experience as “a gifted” than I did.


    1. Paula Prober Avatar
      Paula Prober

      Maybe the core of who you are is a radiant compassionate being. Maybe the “prominent people” are wrong…


  25. suzieperon Avatar
    suzieperon

    I am 44. I realised a good while ago that I was a late bloomer and in it for the long haul. A friend said something incredibly helpful to me last year when I was discussing my writing with her. She said we have to rise to our own standards. Rising to them takes a great deal of work and enormous patience. Its like we can see it in the distance our ideal our version of what we are capable off and a standard that is acceptable to us but getting to it is the work. The frustrations are big and the challenges along the way are many particularly the challenge of feeling the impulse to create but not yet being quite there enough for it to come; intellectual over excitability over load. Anyway as always your words are a comfort Paula as well as providing a warm sense of community. Thank you!


    1. cmd1122 Avatar
      cmd1122

      “feeling the impulse to create but not yet being quite there enough for it to come; intellectual over excitability overload.” Oh. My. Goodness.: All the time! What a way to capture that crazy annoying and overwhelming frustrating feeling and energy of knowing some crazy creativity is nearby, but still brewing.


      1. Carina Avatar
        Carina

        That phrase also made me say yes, yes, yes… I have great trouble in moving my creations from mind to paper. I believe there’s too much of a frowning judge in me.


        1. cmd1122 Avatar
          cmd1122

          haha…in you and the rest of us who have found this blog.


      2. Ro Avatar
        Ro

        Yes, this sums up one of my most overarching experiences of life. The ideal is so towering, so daunting that I have felt dwarfed by it – and therefore utterly paralysed.


        1. Paula Prober Avatar
          Paula Prober

          The “ideal is so towering, so daunting that I have felt dwarfed by it…” You all are talking about another important issue. I will think about it and see if I can write about it.


        2. suzieperon Avatar
          suzieperon

          Paralysed exactly. The distance between the vision of the ideal and the present moment capabilities are so daunting that the only options is to do nothing which feels like fruitless procrastination. For myself this was such an enormous stumbling block that I learned eventually to be ok with doing nothing or doing other often unrelated manageable tasks while telling myself that it is ok. But all the while I hold the intention and live my life in a way that is nurturing and encouraging to the ideal. This works for me. It is akin to a spiritual practice as it is about having faith and trusting in oneself enough to allow for what is to come. The ideal gradually becomes less towering and less daunting and taking action towards becomes natural and even automatic.


          1. Paula Prober Avatar
            Paula Prober

            Beautiful, suzieperon! It does sound like a spiritual practice. Would you be OK with me writing a post on this topic and sharing your idea? This would help a lot of people!


            1. suzieperon Avatar
              suzieperon

              Hi Paula,
              Absolutely I would happy to have you share my idea especially if you think it will help others. Let me know if I can help with it any any way. SP.


          2. Ro Avatar
            Ro

            What you’ve written makes a lot of sense Suzie. I’m at the nascent stage of practicing living this way. It feels as though a fair amount of faith is involved – and that faith frees my limbs a bit and allows me to achieve small increments of progress. It was actually ceasing contact with my entire family of origin almost 3 years ago that taught me the true meaning of faith. I was animated by my mother. Cutting the strings, I was almost certain that I’d be left in a dead heap on the floor. But I was going to die one way or another, so thought ‘what have I got to lose?’ and took the leap. What came afterwards brought me to a deeper understanding of two things. 1] the concept of ‘one day at a time’ (the pull to go back to my master was immense, and still flares up strongly now and then) and 2] the concept of faith. When you’re 33 years old, emptied out, and feeling your way around in the dark in effort to discover pieces and construct your own sense of identity pretty-much from the ground up – a bit of faith has to be involved really. I mean, what if I turned out to be the worthless monster I was taught I was, after all? All that effort for a stab in the guts. Anyway, these understandings are primarily what I take with me into this new, creative phase of life. Faith, one day at a time. Plus the awareness that tiny steps can amount to something deeply worthwhile. 🌾


            1. Paula Prober Avatar
              Paula Prober

              Beautiful, Ro. Thank you. We all benefit from your words.


            2. suzieperon Avatar
              suzieperon

              Dear Ro,
              How much we have in common. It is remarkable. I am so glad my words made sense to you. I too am going through the same process you describe as

              “emptied out, and feeling your way around in the dark in effort to discover pieces and construct your own sense of identity pretty-much from the ground up…”

              Faith and taking it one day at a time are central to to growing and discovering who and what we truly are. I feel also that there is an inevitability to it as there is really no turning back.

              Your courage is great and I have a sense that the tiny steps will amount to more than we can imagine.


              1. Paula Prober Avatar
                Paula Prober

                It’s so wonderful how sensitive you all are as you respond to each other. Thank you.


              2. Ro Avatar
                Ro

                Definitely no turning back – I know what you mean, Suzie. 🌻


        3. annahjamesart Avatar
          annahjamesart

          This is one of the issues I face when looking at the world and wondering how to be effective in the face of SO MUCH disfunction. Paralyzed by the overwhelming complexity and number of issues.


          1. Paula Prober Avatar
            Paula Prober

            It’s hard not to be overwhelmed right now, annah, for sure. Check out what suzie said above about doing manageable tasks holding the faith and trust that the opening is coming for creativity and inspiration. She says it well! I think in these times, a spiritual practice would be helpful/ important.


    2. Paula Prober Avatar
      Paula Prober

      You’re welcome, Suzie. Thanks for sharing your insights with us.


    3. Jessie Avatar
      Jessie

      Suzie, since you mentioned overexcitability, I guess you may already know about this, but have you looked at the Theory of Positive Disintegration at all? There’s something in it called the Personality Ideal that I think you described quite well with this comment. And it’s trying to reach it that brings the challenge, especially for those of us who set a very high ideal. We might not make it, but the work we do to reaching it is still valuable.


      1. suzieperon Avatar
        suzieperon

        Hi Jessie. Many thanks for your reply . I am aware of The Theory of Positive Disintegration. I came across it in the last couple of years and it made a big impact on how I view myself in a positive way. I had not come across the Personality Ideal before so thank you for bringing it to my attention. It sounds similar to what I was referring to and I will definitely look it up. It is so great to share and receive information with people who get it!


  26. Carina Avatar
    Carina

    Yes. I have thought that, as I’m about to turn 40 and my lifetime dream of being a writer is still unfulfilled. Getting out of my comfort zone is hard. I find it harder to challenge the lies I have believed for years, and tend to look for excuses to keep procrastinating. I seek satisfaction in other things that interest me. But the nagging question is still there. “Is it too late to start? Could I convince myself that I can do this?”


    1. Paula Prober Avatar
      Paula Prober

      You can do it, Carina. The lies you’ve believed can be hard to undo. Sometimes it takes good therapy, if they’re based in trauma. But it’s worth the work to start seeing who you really are.


    2. Jessie Avatar
      Jessie

      It’s not too late! I wish you the best in chasing that writer dream — the path is never easy for those of us who are aiming to be writers. But it’s something that I’m pretty sure we get better at as we age. I’m turning 35 this month and aiming to make writing my priority for the year. Let’s see if I manage to challenge my own lies (as I definitely related when you said that)…!


      1. Carina Avatar
        Carina

        Thanks to you both! Yes, definitely this block has a lot to do with childhood traumas (lack of unconditional acceptance or total rejection by parents and peers) and parental ideas of what I could and what I couldn’t do in my life. Deep down, I know what stops me is the fear of yet another rejection. I reject my own self and hide it deep down for fear other people would reject it. I’d probably need some kind of therapy but that’s one more of the areas of procrastination. 😉


  27. helenjnoble Avatar
    helenjnoble

    Reblogged this on helenjnoble.


  28. annahjamesart Avatar
    annahjamesart

    Boy, you must have been thinking about me when you wrote this, Paula! So many changes have happened in such a short time, and I wonder where I am in the middle of it all. There is a big part of myself that is excited about rediscovering parts of myself…and there is also an underlying fear about all of it too. 61! It’s just middle aged….


    1. Paula Prober Avatar
      Paula Prober

      Naturally, there will be fear. And yet, the world needs you to discover those parts! And you do, too. 🙂


  29. RheL Avatar
    RheL

    Thank you!


  30. Deborah Nam-Krane Avatar
    Deborah Nam-Krane

    Love this. I’m about to turn 45, which I always felt like was going to be my year. I felt like my 30s was when I was just getting started: maybe it was the yoga, but a lot of the stresses that had made me freeze up when I was younger and confronted with learning something new disappeared; sometimes it felt like I could feel my brain sparking as it made new connections 🙂

    Aging brings other challenges, but in a way it’s the opposite of “the end”.


    1. Paula Prober Avatar
      Paula Prober

      Yes, it many ways, it can bring new beginnings. Thanks for sharing, Deborah.


    2. Jessie Avatar
      Jessie

      Yoga and meditation have been helping me deal with the stresses that have emerged now that I’m about halfway through my 30s. I hope that 45 will be like that for me, too — thanks for sharing! (And I’ll be sharing this with my younger friends who are just turning 30 and glum about it. Come on, guys. If you live to your natural life expectancy, you’ll spend most of your life thinking 30 is quite young! There’s still so much I have to learn….)


      1. Deborah Nam-Krane Avatar
        Deborah Nam-Krane

        Seriously! I never understood people losing it over 30, but then again I’ve seen people start crying over *25* (quarter life crisis really is a thing).

        There’s sooo much more for all of us to learn, even if it’s re-examining what we believe and why.


        1. Paula Prober Avatar
          Paula Prober

          I do remember feeling that I was “old” when I was 30, though. But now? Oy!


        2. willskde Avatar
          willskde

          My daughter-in-law was anxious about turning 25! I couldn’t believe it! I felt like, “YOU. ARE. A. KID. Don’t you try to steal the mid-life crisis thing from those of us who are twice your age, honey!!” LOL… Not only that but she’s got a degree, a good job, she’s married, and is saving for a house. She’s WAY ahead of most people her age, if that’s how you measure things (which it is for her). In fact, she’s ahead of ME in those things! Quarter-life crisis, my butt! lol… on a serious note, I did tell her how lucky she is and that she should be proud of herself so far, etc. I was kind, and only *thought* those other things. 🙂


          1. Paula Prober Avatar
            Paula Prober

            If she has a rainforest mind, it could be that she’s a deep thinker and a worrier ahead of her time! In truth, the younger gifted folks will be having earlier “mid-life” crises… So, there’s that!


            1. Carina Avatar
              Carina

              I had several existential crises and bouts of depression. The worst came when I was 21. There was a huge gap between the person I wanted to be and the things I wanted to achieve and what I really was and the things I could actually do. To me, a person who was used to getting straight As with modest efforts, it was a huge shock to find myself failing. (Failure was anything 30% below my own rigidly high standards.)
              Even if you do get what you want, that doesn’t guarantee satisfaction if you have a RFM with impostor syndrome.


              1. Paula Prober Avatar
                Paula Prober

                Impostor syndrome can be quite powerful. I’ve written a bit about it. You can go to the search engine and type it in for a couple of posts.


          2. Deborah Nam-Krane Avatar
            Deborah Nam-Krane

            Positive reinforcement can go a long way, but I can understand how this job landscape can make people that age nervy.

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