How to Handle the Holidays When You Are a Smart, Sensitive, Charmingly Quirky Outlier

Every year, in December, I write a holiday letter to friends and family. It has become a tradition for the past 36 years and has turned into a collection of somewhat-humorous summaries of my life in 500 words. Of course, I try to make the letter entertaining and unique. And because I don’t have what we might call a typical life ( two and a half kids, partner, picket fence, Fido, and a cuisinart ), it has been pretty easy to be charmingly quirky. Because, as you all know, I am charmingly quirky. A proud, smart, sensitive outlier.

And that, my friends, is how you might start seeing yourself, even if you do have two and half kids, a partner, a picket fence, Fido, and a cuisinart. You also have a rainforest mind. And that makes you charmingly quirky. Not too sensitive. Not too weird. Not too intense. Not too much.

Can you dig it?

This time of year it can be particularly hard to be an outlier. There is so much pressure to conform to the expectations of the holiday season. The buying frenzy. The obligations to attend office parties. The family events with relatives who ask what happened to your great potential, why are you still single, and isn’t climate change a hoax. The plastic kitchy gifts that arrive wrapped in styrofoam sent from inane in-laws. The feeling that you can’t do it right no matter if you are seen as too enthusiastic or too overwhelmed, or both. The loneliness you may feel if you are single and wish you weren’t or if you are alienated from toxic family members or if your friends are distant and clueless.

I have celebrated the holidays in different ways over the decades. There were the years of volunteering at the free community dinners. The years with partners and their kids. The years with my best friend and her family. The years tango dancing. The years alone watching Love Actually and eating most of (OK, all of) the pumpkin pie. And the years of seeing clients who would otherwise be alone on the holiday. That’s a heck of a lot of years. And those are just since I’ve been an adult.

I will be on my own again this year. But because I am very much a smart, sensitive, charmingly quirky holiday season outlier, I am not feeling lonely, abandoned, or freakish.

But if you are anxious about the holidays and are going to be alone or even if you will be with people but you feel lonely, abandoned, and freakish, I invite you to remember who you really are. Who you really are: A charmingly quirky (smart! creative! sensitive! insightful! adorable!) holiday season outlier.

Join me, sweet rainforesters. I’ll bring the pie. And, together, we will feel the Real Love, actually.

__________________________________

To my bloggEEs: How are the holidays for you? Not everyone finds them challenging so feel free to tell us how you celebrate and what you love about this time of year. Or tell us what you find difficult. Know that I am sending all of you love whichever way you feel!


Author: Paula Prober

I’m a psychotherapist and consultant in private practice based in Eugene, Oregon. I specialize in international consulting with gifted adults and parents of gifted children. I’ve been a teacher and an adjunct instructor at the University of Oregon and a frequent guest presenter at Oregon State University and Pacific University. I’ve written articles on giftedness for the Eugene Register-Guard, the Psychotherapy Networker, Advanced Development Journal and online for psychotherapy dot net, Rebelle Society, Thrive, Introvert Dear, and Highly Sensitive Refuge. My first book, Your Rainforest Mind: A Guide to the Well-Being of Gifted Adults and Youth, is a collection of case studies of gifted clients along with many strategies and resources for gifted adults and teens. My second book, Journey Into Your Rainforest Mind: A Field Guide for Gifted Adults and Teens, Book Lovers, Overthinkers, Geeks, Sensitives, Brainiacs, Intuitives, Procrastinators, and Perfectionists is a collection of my most popular blog posts along with writing exercises for self-exploration and insight.

5 responses to “How to Handle the Holidays When You Are a Smart, Sensitive, Charmingly Quirky Outlier”

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  1. Lucy Swann Avatar
    Lucy Swann

    Thank you, Paula. I am not looking forward to Christmas at all. Will be alone, have no contact with my family. I just can’t. It’s too painful. So I’ve got a skype lunch/dinner with my friend in New Jersey and that’s it. Sending love to you❤️


    1. pprober Avatar
      pprober

      Love back to you, Lucy. <3


  2. Clignett Avatar
    Clignett

    “But if you are anxious about the holidays and are going to be alone or even if you will be with people but you feel lonely, abandoned, and freakish, I invite you to remember who you really are. Who you really are: A charmingly quirky (smart! creative! sensitive! insightful! adorable!) holiday season outlier.”

    This is so spot-on, and thank you so much for this reminder!

    I am actually anxious about the holidays, it always leaves me feeling drained, overwhelmed and underwhelmed at the same time. And this starts at the beginning of December already!
    Makes me feel like I have to tiptoe the whole time, damnded if I do something or dammed that I don’t. Catch-22 really. Depression shows it’s head around the corner again.

    Worried that my gifts are too quirky (usually they are really appreciated, but still I worry), worry that Indie will be the culprit of alll things that go wrong (he’s always to blame for some reason) and worried that I’ll have the same conversations over and over again. Thank my lucky stars with Indie, I have an escape! “He needs to go out!” (Translation: I need a cigarette 🙈🙄)..
    Then I worry that we still have to drive home, weather not being my favorite weather at the moment (freezing cold, I’ve on the roads, fireworks everywhere, dark and late (= tired and hungover from all the noise and talk), so not my strength.
    And finally worried that the next 5 days will mean serious recovery time. Anxiety kicks in, even 2 weeks before!
    And the anxiety just starts to leave me halfway through January.
    Not my favorite time of year, to say the least. Especially since it’s also the period my father passed away (31st December), and I still miss him like crazy (7 years this year).
    So, conclusion: if I could skip December and January, I’d be the first to sign up!
    Let’s forget about the “holidays/festivities” and pretend? Spring around the corner? No? 🙄🤦‍♀️


    1. Clignett Avatar
      Clignett

      *I’ve on the road” —> ice on the road 🤦‍♀️
      Sorry!!


    2. pprober Avatar
      pprober

      Oh, that sounds so hard, clignett. Sending you love to get you through.

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