YOUR RAINFOREST MIND

SUPPORT FOR THE EXCESSIVELY CURIOUS, CREATIVE, SMART & SENSITIVE

Why Smart People Need Therapies and Why it Might Take a Long Time to Heal Even When You Are a Fast Learner Everywhere Else

If you grew up in a family with abuse, neglect, alcoholism, or other trauma, you might have learned that you are not enough or that you are broken. You might often feel shame or self-hatred or you might have a very active inner critic who constantly tells you the many ways you have screwed up. The influence of our parents is enormous on our young, innocent, vulnerable selves. The impact on our understanding of who we are can not be overstated. Watch a young child with their parent and you will see it. It will take your breath away.

( I am sorry to tell you this if you are a parent. I know you are already anxious enough about the huge responsibility you’ve undertaken. But notice, I’m talking about abuse, and not normal, everyday parental blunders that you address and repair and that build resilience in your kids. I’m not talking about normal parental overwhelm, frustration, or exhaustion. OK? )

(photo from Kelly Sikkema, Unsplash)

I take a lot of time explaining this impact to my counseling clients. They are gifted. They expect to move quickly through the stages of grief (one way to describe the structure of therapy) because they move quickly through most things. Right? (except when they move slowly because they are thorough and precise or anxious or 2e…you know who you are) Some of you even think you have to “know it before you learn it” because that is how it was in school. Many of you have been told that because you are “so smart,” you can figure anything out on your own. But in this work, we are repairing the core issues of safety and trust– that were very possibly tampered with or, well, ok, obliterated. Not to mention fears, anxiety, depression, shame, and self-hatred.

So, why does deep healing take so darned long?

Because it is deep. You are deep. Complicated. You are not in it for the quick fix or the cover up. You are not into water skiing therapy or even snorkeling counseling. You are in it for the scuba dive. To examine “the wreck” on the ocean floor (and to find the buried treasure). Sure, symptom relief is important, but you don’t stop there. You seek healing, self-acceptance, self-love, ending the legacy of abuse in your family line, and true peace. Perhaps even transformation, transfiguration, evolution. That just might take some time.

It’s not for everyone. Some people need the non-scuba approaches. Some need to focus on emotional regulation and creating healthy routines and structures. Some need concrete solutions and positive affirmations. Some need communication skills and yoga classes. Some need 12-step groups and self-compassion programs.

Maybe you need some of those things, too. But you may need more.

So, it is important to find a trustworthy counselor who knows how to scuba dive and has examined their own “wreck.” But you may notice I said “therapies” in the title. Happily, the healing path is wide and includes more than traditional therapy. For example, I have had different counselors over the years as each of them provided what I needed at the time. I have experienced other practitioners and modalities, too, including energy work, acupuncture, breath work, journaling, meditation, massage, Argentine tango and the Evolutionary Collective. You will likely need a variety of approaches and many guides along the way, too: This link will provide more information. This link has some ideas on where to find a good therapist.

As a rainforest-minded soul, then, you might always seek ways to grow, heal, evolve, and expand into your fullness, your authenticity, and your raison d’être! You may have many layers to examine, unwind, and unravel. But you will gradually create a new foundation built on safety, trust, and self-love. You will bounce back faster from adversity. You will blossom and find more fulfillment, meaning, and healthier relationships. You will transform, transfigure, and evolve.

I know this is true because I have seen it in my clients. I have seen it in myself.

And I see it in you.

__________________________________

To my bloggEEs: Do you put pressure on yourself to not need help because you are “so smart?” Are you frustrated because you think you ought to be problem-free by now? Let us know the different paths you have followed to healing and to finding your fullness! Thank you for sharing. Your comments make this blog so much richer! (And just an FYI. I am only licensed in Oregon so can not practice therapy outside of the state. I consult worldwide but consulting is not the in-depth therapy I’m writing about. The focus in consultations is understanding your rainforest mind and the issues that come with it.)

And just in case you need a reminder, my latest book is available now! It’s a guided journal especially for your rainforest mind. It sounds like you will now be able to order it at your independent bookstore. If they can’t find it, it is because the distributor has not processed it fully. But it ought to be up now or very soon. Thank you to all of you who already have it! And thank you for writing a review on Amazon. Much gratitude and love to you all.

(Note: If you click on the “transfigure and evolve” link, you will be taken to the evolutionary collective. It is a powerful, fascinating community you might want to check out. It will transfigure and evolve you.)

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Author: Paula Prober

I’m a psychotherapist and consultant in private practice based in Eugene, Oregon. I specialize in international consulting with gifted adults and parents of gifted children. I’ve been a teacher and an adjunct instructor at the University of Oregon and a frequent guest presenter at Oregon State University and Pacific University. I’ve written articles on giftedness for the Eugene Register-Guard, the Psychotherapy Networker, Advanced Development Journal and online for psychotherapy dot net, Rebelle Society, Thrive, Introvert Dear, and Highly Sensitive Refuge. My first book, Your Rainforest Mind: A Guide to the Well-Being of Gifted Adults and Youth, is a collection of case studies of gifted clients along with many strategies and resources for gifted adults and teens. My second book, Journey Into Your Rainforest Mind: A Field Guide for Gifted Adults and Teens, Book Lovers, Overthinkers, Geeks, Sensitives, Brainiacs, Intuitives, Procrastinators, and Perfectionists is a collection of my most popular blog posts along with writing exercises for self-exploration and insight.

32 responses to “Why Smart People Need Therapies and Why it Might Take a Long Time to Heal Even When You Are a Fast Learner Everywhere Else”

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  1. Sheep’s Wool Avatar
    Sheep’s Wool

    Heartfelt thanks to you for this article and this topic.
    Gifted people can have experienced difficult and tricky situations in their early life that arise from things that they didn’t do or choose.
    I’m so glad to receive your validation for my own experience in this article.
    Because we have a capacity to think and be creative, I think I minimised the difficulty I experienced and the coping strategies that continue to squeeze me now at this age of my life. Our capability does not mask the vulnerability we can feel inside when we have neglected parts of ourselves, because they haven’t been seen. Your article nourishes me, validates me and encourages me to seek the support I need to flower and flourish. Thank you for helping us to be seen in this way too. Massive thanks and respect to you.
    I think you have got into more detail in this blog post about rainforest minded people and trauma than in earlier posts.

    Reply
    1. pprober Avatar
      pprober

      Good to hear from you, Sheep’s Wool. There is often discounting of the impact of trauma, like you say, because of that capacity. Thank you for this description. I’m happy to be nourishing you!

      Reply
  2. Mhaark Avatar
    Mhaark

    “The impact on our understanding of who we are can not be overstated. Watch a young child with their parent and you will see it. It will take your breath away.”

    The lullaby of Queen Madalasa sprang to mind!

    Reply
    1. pprober Avatar
      pprober

      Thank you, Mhaark. I will look it up.

      Reply
  3. Neeraj Avatar
    Neeraj

    I want to give my honest opinion about this post..and I am talking somewhat broader (more related to your overall contribution) than this post as well. As I am trying to be as honest to my opinion as possible, I may sound slightly harsh…although very slightly ( please take it as constructive criticism ). …having said this NOW I am free to express my opinions as my thoughts are flowing about the given subject matter. My comments follows: a few things I want to discuss are 1. I want to talk about TRAUMA. Now in the contemporary talk therapy this term is used very broadly. But let’s focus on the core aspect of it. In general when psychologists say trauma what comes to mind is childhood trauma suffered by many kids ( ex. alcoholic parents, divorced-seperated parents, absent parents, abusive relationships, abandonment, controlling parents etc etc). Now in many cases…(LUCKILY ENOUGH!!!) there may not be any very VISIBLE trauma that persons have suffered in their childhood. Still such persons may have certain self sabotaging behavior/ certain issues that they are dealing…and these can certainly be still addressed utilizing presence of trauma construct..and healing those trauma construct. Thus no apparent / well defined incidences yet trauma exist and it can be healed!!! ..thus probably patients/ clients need to understand TRAUMA term in this broader definition of it. 2. On other note, I feel Intellectually gifted can experience trauma just by being Gifted… ( now this is not the fault of their parents’ behavior , right!!) …In recent years there are articles on this subject ..I feel you too can contribute to this. I m hoping/ expecting some substantial new INSIGHTS about trauma and gifted adults that can come from you ( some of the information on this blog feels like REHASH from your previous work ) ..I want a new synthesis of psychological trauma literature, IFS and gifted adult construct that provides some definitive emerging insight. 3. I am not ruling out some trauma caused by other aspects besides being gifted, even in gifted individuals…ex. just controlling behavior by parents ..as it is repeated across the childhood can cause some level of complex trauma ..may not be like severe cPTSD…but milder version of cPTSD…..4. having said all this I totally agree with the central point of this blog post that trauma healing is not about some intellectual learning….which can be done very QUICKLY by some bootcamp in a week!…it may take time!! It can happen quickly here and now..and it can take time ( paradoxically BOTh these statements are true).

    Reply
    1. pprober Avatar
      pprober

      I appreciate honest opinions, Neeraj. So, thank you. The topic of trauma is complex and not one I can really take on in-depth here on the blog. In short, though, I do agree that there is certainly less obvious trauma that one can experience for many reasons. This has been written about in the literature. (The Body Keeps the Score–Bessel Van der Kolk–is one resource) About giftedness and trauma, Jennifer Harvey Sallin writes about this and speaks about it in her podcast. https://intergifted.com/conversations-gifted-trauma/ I have written about the challenges of giftedness but don’t necessarily call it trauma. You might find Jennifer’s other articles helpful: https://intergifted.com/articles/ or http://www.thirdfactor.org. That site has in-depth articles related to giftedness. Hope that helps!

      Reply
      1. Neeraj Avatar
        Neeraj

        if you read my comment carefully, i already acknowledge that i googled ( searched) the internet and read the articles which include keywords ( gifted adult and trauma)…I acknowledge this by giving the sense that I know there are already such articles out there. Googling is easy part and what is already available on internet I know that! …

        Reply
        1. pprober Avatar
          pprober

          Neeraj. It sounds like you are saying you already had found those resources I suggested. I hear that you are disappointed that I am not presenting “definitive emerging insight.” My blog is not really about that, which is why I mentioned the other resources. My blog is really more anecdotal and often light-hearted. I’m not doing in-depth research on giftedness or on trauma. Do you know about P. Susan Jackson? She works with profoundly gifted kids and adults and is working on a book. I’m guessing her book will have more of the depth that you’re looking for. You might also contact Jennifer at Intergifted or join her Facebook group for more insight. I do appreciate hearing from you.

          Reply
          1. Neeraj Avatar
            Neeraj

            I feel that just by focusing too much on other traumas you are doing disservice to the gifted community…you may be RIGHTLY addressing the issue of ‘trauma’ as experienced by broader population….having said that..”intellectually gifted” community…what is there “soul” …why they have to experience difficulties… this gets SIDELINED or minimalized in the process… if you just want to talk about “trauma” in general..and focus on that…it indirectly suggest that “gifted” experience is not real…..this can only be rectified if there is ’emphasis’ on how gifted experience is central to the memories/ emotions / thinking/ experience of the gifted adult and children…and how trauma too can be part of it..but because of gifted experience… Having said this , even among gifted community, there can be persons who have “trauma” as there core emotional issue, and some others just gifted experience , and some others combination of both ..combination of these both things can happen in a few ways… This needs to be addressed.

            Reply
            1. pprober Avatar
              pprober

              It could be that I’m not getting what you are saying here, Neeraj. It can be hard to get a total understanding of the nuance in short written comments on a blog or even long comments. I will just say that all of what I write here is from the perspective of gifted folks. I don’t work with the “broader population” so I present topics and issues from what I experience with rainforest minds. The gifted experience is quite “real.” I hear that you might feel “sidelined” or “minimalized” in some way. This latest post was based on my experience with gifted clients in my practice. I hope that is helpful, Neeraj. Again, my particular anecdotal style may not be quite right for you.

              Reply
              1. Neeraj Avatar
                Neeraj

                So from what you said here I can draw conclusion that TRAUMA is the issue in most of the gifted adults …and then more so that gifted experience it is about trauma that needs to be solved!! 2. No, this is not the issue about blogging style ( you answered couple of times to me saying this..that this because of blogging style..)…I can engage in ‘small talk/ intermediate talk’-styled vlogs/ blogs…but there is always UNDERLYING assumptions/ deep thoughts associated with such blogs as well…and after reading a few of the blogposts here..I wanted to address and vocalize and get the feel of the underlying assumptions…I am just talking about underlying assumptions related to the ‘centrality of trauma in gifted adult experience’ . 3. Also, you and many others ( white americans) tend to use this defense in their talk that they don’t understand what I am saying..this too happen many times…but my experience with chatGPT is that there is nothing wrong in what I say ( apart from in haste errors in sentence construction here and there) …it is about the efforts needed on your part to acknowledge the GIST of what I said. ..with some efforts it just gets carried across!! ….Again pardon for being a bit confrontational, but I just had this urge to talk straight …nothing personal here…this is about adresing the issue of CENTRALITY of trauma in gifted experience.

                Reply
                1. pprober Avatar
                  pprober

                  Oh. Maybe this is where I’m missing your point, Neeraj. I am a therapist so people come to me who have experienced trauma. That does not mean that the central issue for the gifted is trauma! It’s what I write about because my counseling clients see me for that reason so there are topics that help them. I do consultations with clients around the world who want to look at their issues around rainforest minds and not trauma. So that can be sensitivities, loneliness, careers, perfectionism, schooling, expectations, etc. I write on my blog about these also. I hope this helps you feel more understood. I get that it’s not personal. Thanks for helping me understand your perspective. If you need more clarification, you can also email me.

                  Reply
                  1. Neeraj Avatar
                    Neeraj

                    let me be like probing interviewer who provoke the interviewee to make them vocalize the underlying reality, in that spirit let me say following: I agree that you are inviting to this ‘gala dinner’ just the persons who identify as ‘gifted adults’. Albeit the main course served in the dinner is “trauma and trauma healing”… that too “generic trauma” experienced in childhood by specific but broader group of population. “gifted experience” is just the garnish, icing on the cake, we are gifted that is just coincidental, that is not the main experience. Gifted experience may too can cause trauma…but I am not concerned with that sort of trauma… Just eat the main course, that is childhood trauma and its healing.

                    Reply
                    1. pprober Avatar
                      pprober

                      Dear probing interviewer. The main course at the gala dinner is the “gifted experience.” That is NOT coincidental. In fact, the REASON for the dinner is to examine the gifted experience. If you read the menu, you will see many items, all gifted-focused: perfectionism, sensitivities, multipotentiality, loneliness, empathy, schooling, parenting, relationships, and more. So many delicious items on the menu. Only ONE of the items on the menu is childhood trauma and healing.

                    2. Neeraj Avatar
                      Neeraj

                      the TOOLS for dealing with “gifted experience” are just tactical tools…there is no deep work on that…In contrast to this, take the example of the ‘positive psychology field’. In that field there is deep thinking on positive aspect of any human experience and deep work on strengths, values, etc. In ‘gifted construct’ ..there is this acknowledgement that you may have certain good qualities…but where is the deep work associated with that? …The only deep work is related to ‘trauma’. Just internalize everything as ‘trauma’ and its healing’…that too may be because of your childhood experience. That is almost pathologizing gifted experience……. Nothing concrete / core / deep comes from the gifted identity…For example it would be really helpful to see more work from psychologists on ‘IFS and gifted construct implications’. I feel emphasis on other aspects (gifted strengths, deep work on gifted experience) will help rule out “false positive” identification with childhood trauma..where none or minimal such trauma exists…

  4. Anne Avatar
    Anne

    Hi Paula,
    I’ve been reading this blog for quite a long time, I’ve read your first book, too, and both have helped me a lot to understand who I am. Thank you for this. I’ve also spent some years in various therapies, in an attempt to heal myself from my family trauma. I used to agree that therapy is the best thing that you can do for yourself. I believed in this nearly religiously 🙂 But, through those years I also came to realize something else – that it’s such a privilege to be able to have a long time, deep therapy for a rainforest-minded person.

    It is a privilege, firstly because you need to be able to afford it, and costs of long-term therapy is pretty high. And then, even if you can afford it, it is so darn hard to find a professional that is really able to help a RFM. It has cost me quite a lot of time, money and frustration to try to find a therapist who really gets me. I am now in a point of my life where I gave up therapy, and I don’t know if I will ever come back to it. Not because I feel that I reached a point where I’m healed and happy to be myself. But because I ran both out of financial means to continue therapy, and out of willingness to trust the next professional. I’ve had experiences ranging from so-so (which I eventually terminated, because my intuition was telling me that this is going nowhere) to really bad (as in: therapist initially seemed a great fit for me, but it ended with emotional abuse and retraumatisation in therapy).

    I’ve been without any therapy for the last year, and it has been a long grieving process for me (grieving for lost illusions that I can find someone who can assist me in my healing). Right now I choose to try to heal on my own. And it’s hard, after believing for years that therapy will help me regain my life. It hasn’t. It has given me some self-consciousness, but not full self-acceptance – and I think it was because I never found anyone who was willing to dive deep enough and see me fully, for who I really am. In parallel to therapy, I kept reading various books and resources on my own, because I felt that we’re missing some important point somewhere. This is how I finally managed to self-diagnose some of my built-in features (such as RFM, high sensitivity etc). The sad thing is that none of my therapists was as willing as me to keep educating themselves – I have a feeling that they were content with simple explanations, such as “she has depression, and you treat depression in such and such way”. The problem is that the “officially approved” treatments never really worked on me. The last therapy I had, which lasted for 3 years, left me more broken after those 3 years then I was at the beginning.

    I’m sure, Paula, that your clients don’t have such experiences working with you, and I’m sure that you are helping them tremendously. I’m writing this from my point of view – someone who lives very far from Oregon, has tried to find the best specialists available locally, and did not succeed in getting the help she needed. And now I can’t afford it anymore. This feels a bit like detox. For now, I need to stop believing in external professional help. I need to start believing that I have enough of my own resources to help myself, and heal myself. The last year was very rough, but I have a feeling that this experience of hitting the rock bottom and getting up, on my own, will somehow take me to the point where I will regain my life.

    Reply
    1. pprober Avatar
      pprober

      You bring up very important points, Anne. Thank you. I was going to include something about the cost of therapy being a down side for sure. And I know it’s hard to find a therapist who is a good match and who has done their own work. I wish there was a way to make mental health services just free for everyone! There are some online programs and books that are helpful like Kristin Neff’s self-compassion courses. Journaling, of course. 12 step groups. So, yes, I hear you. Sending you love as you find your inner light!

      Reply
      1. Anne Avatar
        Anne

        Thank you, Paula.
        I’ll check the resources you mentioned – I was not familiar with Kristin Neff’s books, and recommendations for her book on Amazon look interesting. I do journalling and it does help. The biggest eye-opener I had during this year, was discovering Bessel van der Kolk’s book “The body keeps the score”. This one is life-changing. I don’t know how common it is in the U.S. for therapists to recommend non-traditional therapies to patients, like you do, Paula. I live in Europe, in a different cultural bubble 😉 In my country, from my experience, traditional talk therapy is still believed to be the best path to regaining your mental health. Or, at best, talk therapy combined with some medications. I love how Bessel questions this belief, and shows that for patients with trauma, there are also other practices that need to be combined, so that trauma can be healed. I wish I had read this book earlier. Now I’m also trying to come back to more regular mindfulness /MBSR practice. This is one thing I know how to do, out of the solutions he mentions.

        As to the cost of therapy – yes, it would be great if anyone who needed it could afford it. Though I’m trying to imagine, how many more therapists we would need then 😉 Yes, the cost can be a down side for some. But I also think that for some people it can be completely blocking from even starting therapy. I mean, being able to afford long-term therapy means that you’re in the top half of Maslow’s pyramid of needs, right? Those who are struggling with financial safety will first have to find a job in which they will earn enough to afford therapy. And it’s a catch22, if the reason you are struggling to find or keep a job is untreated trauma 🙁

        I did not think like this before. I can only see it now, after I decided to quit a job in a very toxic work environment. The job was affecting my health, so this decision was self care, but it moved me back to the bottom half of Maslow’s pyramid, for now. I need to fix the basics first, like getting a stable income. For some years, I could afford therapy, at a cost of having 9-5 jobs in corporate world. But this was not an enviroment in which I thrived, as an RFM. I wonder if I’m the only one for whom the stress of staying in a typical corporate office job was eventually too much to bear? Being smart and sensitive is not an asset in this kind of jobs 🙁

        Reply
        1. pprober Avatar
          pprober

          Oh, Anne. You are definitely not the only RFM who has left a corporate office job or another toxic work environment! And, yes, more therapists in the US are looking into trauma and the body. There is a whole field now called somatic experiencing. And the other thing I wanted to say about the cost of therapy is that I believe all therapists ought to include a sliding scale option and even do some pro bono work!

          Reply
  5. Jennifer Avatar
    Jennifer

    Since finding your blog, I often feel like you’ve read my mind recently when you post, Paula! Having had fibromyalgia for the past few years and working through my physical and emotional stuff (mostly on my own or with my wonderful husband as I haven’t found a therapist that got me) I’d come to this conclusion recently too. If it’s taken 48 years for this illness to manifest (which I believe is related to emotional issues), it’s unlikely to be an overnight job healing myself (and I think our life is the journey anyway).. there isn’t an ‘end point’. I also love that my mind comes up with creative and unusual connections about everything I’m experiencing and with regards to the HSP side of things, feel an acceleration with these experiences. When I had this thought about it being a long process, it took any pressure off myself too. The last thing I need with fibromyalgia is pressure! .. I’m trying to keep being in the moment and letting things unfold.

    I get what you’re saying too Mark.. It can definitely feel like inching forward or one step forward, two back. I’ll check out the evolution collective too Paula. I like what you said about magic. I feel like my faith in something larger than myself is growing in all this.

    Reply
    1. pprober Avatar
      pprober

      Thank you, Jennifer. Isn’t it fascinating? This combination of listening to your body and also allowing the creativity and connections to influence you. And, including magic and faith in the mix!

      Reply
  6. Eline Avatar
    Eline

    Thank you for this highly interesting blogpost, Paula! I’m in my 8th post-burnout-year and at the moment the doctor put me at home again because of a stress overdosis. I cherish the words of my first therapist: “those periods will gradually become less intense, less long, less devastating.” She was absolutely right.
    The doctor even’t recognize this one as a relapse (? I translated it, it means having another new burnout). “Don’t think about it as a relapse, don’t make more of it than it its, because it might become one if you do.” She’s right, too.

    I already saw this one coming for months, so I was able to prepare thoroughly. I delegated tasks that can’t be piled up (like new contact form submissions). I finished all my chores that my colleagues find too boring or too difficult or haven’t been trained at. I worked very late that evening. Then, the next morning, I went to the doctor, peaceful and trusting.

    The list of (alternative) therapies, books, articles, courses, trials-and-errors, daily habits adaptations etc is too long to reconstruct right now. If you can speak Dutch or like pasting texts in Google Translate, you can read about my path on my blog (click on my name).
    This morning, I came across an article (also in Dutch, sorry) that explains codependency and fawning so clearly that I finally understand the depth of that problem and begin to see what I could try to help myself. This guy apologised to a chair he bumped into, not for the first time by the way, and he finally saw that that was problematic behaviour: https://www.inspirerendleven.nl/vind-je-het-eng-om-aandacht-te-vragen-of-om-over-jezelf-te-praten-dit-kan-de-oorzaak-zijn/

    I’m patiently resting now, because there’s nothing else to do but give it time.

    Reply
    1. pprober Avatar
      pprober

      Oh, this is beautiful, Eline. Thank you for sharing your process with us. Rest. Time. Yes. (There are many folks here who speak Dutch so I’m sure some of them will check your article.)

      Reply
      1. Eline Avatar
        Eline

        Thank you, Paula!

        Strange: I didn’t get a notification of your reply. Is your site hosted by WordPress?

        I contacted a new therapist last year because I had the chance to get an introduction to EFT – emotional freedom techniques.

        In Spring, I got a message from an an animal… silly as it may sound, this happened during a demonstration of a therapist working with his horses, applying the family systems theory by Bert Hellinger/Els Van Steijn.
        https://www.hellinger.com/en/family-constellation/
        Because this therapist’s farm is at the other side of the country (https://www.dekantelhoeve.com/), I remembered that the abovementioned therapist also works with this theory. I simply asked her: could you help me translate what the horse so urgently had to say to me?

        And now, a few sessions later, I’m diving into that theory and its implications. I tried to read Els’ book “De Fontein” a few years ago but I hated the writing style, endless repetition and lay-out. My therapist suggested trying to learn via youtube because according to her… it had nothing to do with the book but all with my resisance! This work has came across my journey for a few times now, and recently, in the park, a butterfly bumped into my shoulder two times to repeat the message. Ah, beauty beyond words.

        Not sure why I’m writing all this but since it’s here now I’ll click Send 😉 Maybe because it is Els’ wish to amplify this work, so that one day children could be prevented from suffering deep inherited trauma. So… worthwile checking out if it touches you in some way, when you read this.

        Reply
        1. pprober Avatar
          pprober

          Oh, thank you for this, Eline. Good to be reminded of the many ways to heal and the mystical, the intuitive, animal communication, and more! (and, yes, I’m on WordPress)

          Reply
  7. Mark S. Meritt Avatar
    Mark S. Meritt

    I’m glad to hear a professional in a relevant field affirm that deep healing can take a long time even though we may be faster learners in other parts of our lives.

    I know that giftedness is not one and the same as HSP, but there is certainly overlap, and I am pretty sure I’m both, and one thing that Elaine Aron says about HSPs is that the susceptibility factor means we amplify effects compared to non-HSPs, both for better and worse. Positive nurture/experience makes HSPs thrive more than the average person would, and negative nurture/experience makes HSPs suffer more than the average person would. She says that the good news here is that susceptibility means that HSPs on the negative side of nurture/experience respond to treatment/therapy better than the average person would.

    Instead of being encouraged by her words, when I consider how very long and very deeply I’ve been working on my healing and what my ongoing experience is still like, Aron’s words leave me feeling demoralized, as if I “should” have made more obvious “progress” already, because I’m “supposed” to respond to the work better than the average person.

    At some point, another HSP suggested to me, what if the way things look for me is me responding more than the average person? What if the average person, faced with whatever it was that affected me, would have made even less progress so far having put in the same work as me?

    Part of me was a bit struck by that thought, hadn’t considered it like that before, and felt a bit heartened — realized that how things compared to the average person is a different thing from how long, in absolute terms, my own healing is taking. Another part of me just felt that if that’s true, if this is the amount of work it takes even for someone who is supposedly responding more/better/faster than the average person would, then the parts of me that feel cynicism and hopelessness about the prospect of meaningful positive cultural change in the world only have that much more reason to feel despair, to believe that broad positive cultural change will probably never happen because it’s even more unlikely than I previously imagined that enough people could ever bother to do enough healing to make that larger cultural change possible. This doesn’t stop me from wanting to continue my own healing — my own feeling feels very much like it’s the only option, well past any possible point of return. But it certainly doesn’t feel great to believe that there may be more than a fair chance that the best we can do is heal ourselves however much we can in the midst of a dysfunctional, self-destructive culture, that the best that can be is only ever going to be partial because we will continue to be affected by that culture, and that maybe the best we can really hope to do is get to a place of grieving cultural collapse and having whatever bits of good, little or big, we can for ourselves along the way before our individual lives come to an end, even though it will be far less good than could have been possible in a healthy culture — not to mention that however long the deep healing takes also cuts down on the amount of post-healing good stuff there can be in the ever-decreasing amount of time left between whatever healing milestones and end of life.

    Curious about what you think about these thoughts and about how they relate to your own talking about how very long deep healing can take.

    Reply
    1. pprober Avatar
      pprober

      I’m glad you asked, Mark. There are a couple of things. One is, I think we need to also make room for the Mystery and the magic that might also exist on the planet. So.even as I say all this, there might be larger benevolent divine forces at work. And there is actually something happening now that you might want to explore. Check the links to the Evolutionary Collective. This is a group of people actively experiencing a Unity that is having a powerful effect and is changing things from a new perspective. (I am a participant in it.) Another thought is to find the “good stuff” even as you are in the healing process. There is “good stuff” all along the way. 🙂

      Reply
      1. pprober Avatar
        pprober

        Another thought, Mark, is that while we are doing the inner work, it shouldn’t stop us from taking outer actions to assist the systemic/cultural changes you are talking about. It’s possible to do both and, in these times, essential. And, also, it’s possible that we minimize the impact of stopping the legacy of abuse in our family lines. Perhaps, that work is having an effect on the collective that we are not able to see or measure. As with most things rainforest-minded, it’s complicated! 🙂

        Reply
        1. Mark S. Meritt Avatar
          Mark S. Meritt

          I totally understand and appreciate the value of everything you said. As you say, though, things are complicated. Part of that is that trauma messes with our energy, our motivations, etc., etc., etc. We can be aware of groups or other places where there are worthy and constructive actions we might otherwise take, but all of that falls into the same big bucket as the great many things that are constructive that traumatized people often have trouble doing and cannot simply be talked into or talk themselves into. Which for me brings me back to simply continuing the healing process and remaining open to what can flow from there. Truly, I have found that the more eager parts of me are to complete the healing, to get to the “constructive” and “productive” things on various to-do lists, the more their eagerness only backfires and sets me back. This is a very common dynamic as described by, e.g., Internal Family Systems — Protectors do what they do for good reasons, even though there may be what other parts of see as negative/unintended/unanticipated consequences, and those Protectors can just more deeply entrench their strategies if they feel there is reason to, if they see an opposing agenda being pushed, if they feel there is threat, if they feel that they themselves aren’t feeling heard/seen/understood. So we need to be really careful here. When trauma and healing processes are involved, such things are, indeed, complicated, and seldom as simple as pointing out or cheerleading for “positive” and “constructive” and “productive” things that are not happening, not coming easily, facing resistance.

          Reply
          1. pprober Avatar
            pprober

            Yes, to the Internal Family Systems model by Richard Schwartz!

            Reply
  8. Elle Avatar
    Elle

    “Because it is deep. You are deep. Complicated. You are not in it for the quick fix or the cover up. You are not into water skiing therapy or even snorkeling counseling. You are in it for the scuba dive. To examine “the wreck” on the ocean floor (and to find the buried treasure).”

    I haven’t even finished reading the entire post and I had to stop and take a moment … to what? I don’t know. Breathe! To take a moment to appreciate the beautiful metaphor. Yeah, that’s it. Someone on the World Wide Web gets me. What’s more there are many others out there like this.

    Someone’s cutting onions around here…boo hoo.

    Reply
    1. pprober Avatar
      pprober

      Hugs and kisses to you, Elle. Thank you for sharing this.

      Reply
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